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an inexhaustible dispensing of nourishment, or: a light that never goes out

(daily threads 20-24 april)

i’ve been listening to this beautiful musician on youtube, adam barrett, really extraordinarily beautiful - i became hooked on his radiohead covers a while ago and then last week the song ‘this night has opened my eyes’ opened my heart - 'oh you did a good thing, oh you did a bad thing, and i am not happy and i’m not sad’, more songs, more songs, more of this guitar, more of his voice, what’s THAT song? it’s called ‘there is a light that never goes out’ which opens with ‘take me out tonight, where there’s music and there’s people and they’re young and alive’ and that’s what i did, because i’m not happy and i’m not sad, and that’s just not good enough (a benevolent grandfatherly voice tells me), time to shake things up, get out of groundhog day, step out of rep rep rep repetition and let let’s go and see what happens, what happened?

a week

a week

a week of amsterdam

a week of amsterdam to clear the mind

a week of amsterdam

a strange medicine for clearing the mind

but i stepped out of my head

into a thread

lost the thread


and here i am

the second line of ‘there is a light that doesn’t goes out’ goes -

take me out tonight

because i want to see people and i want to see life

that’s it, that’s what i did, i didn’t know the song nor the lines, but that’s what i did and here’s what i did:

a mellow rendezvous at KILLACUTZ (that’s a record store) to kick things off, music (and some other stuff) to get rolling, the record and the head turns, the heart touched, here we go! old friends, new laughs, places with old memories repainted with new ones, the places themselves freshened, other spots seemingly degenerating, the best apple pie in amsterdam now the best apple pie of the internet, strange people, new people, not fitting in with new people (no matter, for this also feels fresh), meeting up with my former piano teacher (family included), leave with a new song to learn, meeting up with my somewhat new barber (for a new haircut ís mandatory in times of renewal), off to new clubs, old cafés, DJ’s and drags, dance dance dance, saying no to afterparties, feeling young and proud of myself and old and disappointed in myself, everything at the same time, music, people, life, life, life, all there in all its chaotic beauty, nourishment through exhaustion, inexhaustible nourishment? - i don’t know, but what i do know is that for this particular nourishment you have to find your well, what’s your well? - do you best, go look for it, go there regularly, for there you’ll find

- an inexhaustible dispensing of nourishment -

or so the I Ching tells us:

how did i end up here in the well?

like so

(club) church showed the way.

there is a light that never goes out;

an inexhaustible dispensing of nourishment -

easy to forget

therefore, don’t forget,

to look for your well

and who knows,

a fairy portal (or two, or three) might open up

and if it’s there…

just open the door


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