an inexhaustible dispensing of nourishment, or: a light that never goes out

(daily threads 20-24 april)

i’ve been listening to this beautiful musician on youtube, adam barrett, really extraordinarily beautiful - i became hooked on his radiohead covers a while ago and then last week the song ‘this night has opened my eyes’ opened my heart - 'oh you did a good thing, oh you did a bad thing, and i am not happy and i’m not sad’, more songs, more songs, more of this guitar, more of his voice, what’s THAT song? it’s called ‘there is a light that never goes out’ which opens with ‘take me out tonight, where there’s music and there’s people and they’re young and alive’ and that’s what i did, because i’m not happy and i’m not sad, and that’s just not good enough (a benevolent grandfatherly voice tells me), time to shake things up, get out of groundhog day, step out of rep rep rep repetition and let let’s go and see what happens, what happened?

a week

a week

a week of amsterdam

a week of amsterdam to clear the mind

a week of amsterdam

a strange medicine for clearing the mind

but i stepped out of my head

into a thread

lost the thread

resurfaced

and here i am

the second line of ‘there is a light that doesn’t goes out’ goes -

take me out tonight

because i want to see people and i want to see life

that’s it, that’s what i did, i didn’t know the song nor the lines, but that’s what i did and here’s what i did:

a mellow rendezvous at KILLACUTZ (that’s a record store) to kick things off, music (and some other stuff) to get rolling, the record and the head turns, the heart touched, here we go! old friends, new laughs, places with old memories repainted with new ones, the places themselves freshened, other spots seemingly degenerating, the best apple pie in amsterdam now the best apple pie of the internet, strange people, new people, not fitting in with new people (no matter, for this also feels fresh), meeting up with my former piano teacher (family included), leave with a new song to learn, meeting up with my somewhat new barber (for a new haircut ís mandatory in times of renewal), off to new clubs, old cafés, DJ’s and drags, dance dance dance, saying no to afterparties, feeling young and proud of myself and old and disappointed in myself, everything at the same time, music, people, life, life, life, all there in all its chaotic beauty, nourishment through exhaustion, inexhaustible nourishment? - i don’t know, but what i do know is that for this particular nourishment you have to find your well, what’s your well? - do you best, go look for it, go there regularly, for there you’ll find

- an inexhaustible dispensing of nourishment -

or so the I Ching tells us:

how did i end up here in the well?

like so

(club) church showed the way.

there is a light that never goes out;

an inexhaustible dispensing of nourishment -

easy to forget

therefore, don’t forget,

to look for your well

and who knows,

a fairy portal (or two, or three) might open up

and if it’s there…

just open the door

-

Go here to subscribe to my letter of news and receive my writings somewhat regularly, go here to check out my programs, and if you want to support my work you can do that right here

threads of the day, daily threads: question - quest - question

‘the’ thread may yet appear…

question - quest - question

i’m a night owl and stumbled across a night owl treasure - night tracks, music after dark from the bbc

i’ve bought some pencils, i’ve bought some sketch books, i’ve started drawing again, it’s been a while

this, it seems, is only just beginning to unfold

this is from a couple of days ago

this is me thinking on paper

this is me giving myself permission

this is me quizzing on an out-of-tune piano in a thick dutch accent

this is before completion - all the pieces of the puzzle are present but scattered

this is a great radiohead cover and the jigsaw is falling into place

this is radiohead and now everything is in its right place

this is an album i came across in an actual real life store, this is the digital version

this is the answer to the quiz

this is goodbye

what a day!

-

Go here to subscribe to my letter of news and receive my writings somewhat regularly, go here to check out my programs, and if you want to support my work you can do that right here

following followed threads - philip guston joins the thread

‘This serious play, which we call art, can’t be static. I mean, you have to keep learning how to play’

- Philip Guston

(or: a painter’s first duty is to be free)

Yesterday’s thread is still in (unfolding) business.

I haven’t been sleeping much… out of the rubble, new things can emerge. That whole dying to live thingy is rearing its head again, I guess easter-spring-time is doing its work.

My artist friend Jurriaan Wesselink (look him up!) sent me some quotes by the painter Philip Guston, I was intrigued, clicked the first video on youtube, it resonated.

‘it’s taken me years to come to the conclusion or to the belief that probably the only thing one can really learn is the capacity to be able to change’

I'm quite angry today. No fun. Something is breaking down. Something wants to get out of me. What? Why is this so difficult, bringing into form this whatever that wants out out OUT.

I watch mores Guston videos, something clicks, a thread in need of following. The narrator says: Guston reinvents himself. I'm thinking, does he mean re-invention or re-building, for I wrote about this yesterday. Re: rebuilding, was I talking about myself??

Minute 8:

Guston takes on a new surname. Something to hide behind? Is this re-invention, artificial renewal which has the opposite effect, getting further from himself…? I don’t know. Maybe, sometimes, distancing yourself from your self may at times be freeing, but I suspect that somewhere along the life-line, you will eventually have to bridge the gap to come home again. I don’t want to be a tree, but only me.

‘Whoever has learned to listen to a tree no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness.’

• Herman Hesse

I sure don’t want to be a tree, but be me me me me me me whatever that means, breaking something down, building something up, repeat, repeat, repeat repeat repeat that don’t sound neat neat neat, so let’s take this serious endeavor and play play play play play play play, don’t stay stay stay static, that would be problematic, for this serious play, which we call art, can’t be static so I have to keep learning how to play, keep learning how to play keep learning how to play

—-

Go here to subscribe to my letter of news and receive my writings somewhat regularly and if you want to support my work you can do that right here