no fear! I mean really, no fear.

What’s freedom?

‘Just a feeling’, Nina Simone begins, ‘it’s just a feeling.’

But

’You can describe it, but you can’t tell ‘em. But you KNOW it, when it happens.’

‘I’ve had a couple of times on stage when I really felt FREE’ - and her eyes light up - ‘and that’s someting else,’ she shifts her position, more straight, more upright, towards the interviewer: ‘That’s. Really. Something. ELSE.’

And then, trying to find the words, ‘like all all, like like’ and then, BAM, she sees the answer, the epiphany is right there:

‘I’ll tell you wat freedom is to me:

NO FEAR

I mean REALLY, NO fear’

And since there is no way of describing it, let’s feel it, witness that freedom on stage, brought to you by, who else than Nina Simone, singing ‘I wish I knew how it would feel to be free’:

It’s happening, RIGHT THERE. During the performance, breaking free. Her wish granted. But not immediately.

‘I wish I could break all the chains that are still binding me.

I wish I could say all the things that I can say when I’m relaxed’

- such a simple way of describing freedom, so relatable.

‘I wish I could be like a bird in the sky’, she then looks up and says ‘don’t leave me’.

- Who is she talking to? Might be someone in the audience, but I don’t think so. Maybe it’s freedom? Spirit? It’s almost as if freedom is opening up, but it’s still a very vulnerable balance. Fear and freedom dancing, or fighting, more like.

‘I wish I could share all the love that’s in my heart’

- Another beautiful way of understanding freedom. If we are free from fear, love will flow. It’s already there!

‘I wish I could break all the things that bind us apart’ - then, her face hardens, she hits the keys on the piano, hard, BAM BAM, ‘I wish you could KNOW, what it MEANS, to be me’ (meaning: imprisoned), BAM BAM, ‘then you’d see,’ BAM BAM ‘you’d agree’ BAM BAM

EVERYBODY

should be free, cause if we ain’t, we’re murderers.’

That line has always intrigued me. We murder ourselves, if we aren’t free, if we let ourselves be chained, by ourselves. That is another form of suicide: not living freely. It’s as if she is still wrestling fear, in that moment, trying to unchain herself, still feeling the chains, but no more! There is determination in her face now, breaking free from the chains, fighting for freedom, knowing that fear must and will relinquish.

Then, slowly, she softens, ‘I wish I could be like a bird in the sky’ and she becomes that bird in the sky before our eyes, her body, shoulders, wings, moving with the music, slowly taking flight ‘if I could find, that I could fly,’ and she spreads her wings, face now joyful, childlike, seemingly amazed at this sudden but hard-won feeling of freedom, ‘soar to the sun’ and she soars, free, to the sun, looks into the crow, almost elated, ‘the spirit’s moving now’ she says, and there’s no denying it, it is right there, in the singing, the music. The words of longing for this freedom have somehow, magically, on stage, opened up this new reality where the music and the words have become true.

Then, there, the smile, the openness of her face. Humming, entranced, singing:

‘I know, I got news for you, I already know,’ and she does know, ‘Jonathan Livingston Seagull* ain’t got nothing on ME, FREE, FREE, FREE, FREE, I’M FREE, AND I KNOW IT’

and then the coda

‘(If you?) believe in me, it’s all right…’

Does melancholy creep in? Understanding, foreseeing, perhaps, that this freedom, this hard fought freedom, will always be something to fight for, grasped at but not to be held onto, especially now, nearing the end of the song, freedom slowly ebbing away… but not yet. NOT. QUITE. YET.

‘Cause I know’

I already know’

and she starts soaring, once more,

with determination, then,

head held higher and higher,

refusing to let this freedom go:

‘I found out

how it feels

not be chained

to anything

to any race…

to any

ANYTHING !!

I KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO BE FREE

BOOM!

Amazing.

She breaks free in front of our eyes. A warrior, a gladiator fighting for her life, and urging us, daring us, the audience, to do the same. By any means necessary.

PS this here is Jonathan Livingston Seagull. The bird that soared higher than all the other birds (except for Nina Simone of course, Jonathan Livingston Seagull ain’t got nothing on her).

and why not, here are some more free feeling freedom feelings

the unfolding

I was listening to ‘The Unfolding’, a beautiful song (is it a song? it is… beautiful) by Hanna Peel and Paraochestra, and, lo and behold, a poem unfolded. Mind, it still is unfolding. Below you can read the current state of unfoldedness. The poem - for now surprisingly called ‘the unfolding’ - follows all the songs on the eponymous album, from the first song ‘The Universe Before Matter’ up until the last track ‘The Unfolding Credits.’

My suggestion would be to listen to the song ‘The Unfolding’ while reading the poem ‘the unfolding’, since ‘the unfolding’ (the poem) was born while listening to ‘The Unfolding’ (song). The poem feels somewhat orphaned without the music. The plan therefore is to record myself reading the poem, with the song playing in the background. First, the poem needs to unfold just a bit more. Or not. We’ll see what happens.

If interested, read the poem below. Suggestion: read out loud.

That is ‘the unfolding’ unfolding: part one.

But then, of course, the brain starts seeing patterns and connections unfolding within the unfolding. If interested in this specific unfolding read below below (below the poem). Hint: it’s to do with the Tao. And below that, so below below below, more unfolding. Nick Cave is doing that part. And below that unfolding, some Rumi unfolding.

Rest assured,

because then,

finally,

the unfolding credits,

roll.

—

the unfolding:

The Universe Before Matter

does it matter?

it didn’t matter

matter of fact

it didn’t do anything

doesn’t matter

before the universe

there was this one, wild, animal

you could say it was a wild animal

although you couldn’t say that

for before the universe,

before anything mattered

there only was

- Wild Animal -

and even the thought of it

didn’t exist

just

Wild Animal

it was wild

very wild!

don’t think about the wild animal

because then you can’t imagine

just

Wild Animal

and, sure, Wild Animal roamed

through eternal nothingness

through Passages eternal

through the Passage

called

Passage

it was a passenger

passing through a passage.

they were quite the couple

stop thinking about it!

just experience it all.

let it all unfold.

like the universe before matter

an unending and never beginning unfolding

the passage knew

at the same time

Wild Animal knew

this was

The Unfolding

awed and amazed, and yet also the opposite

in stillness revering

and also laughing at it all

The Unfolding

there it was

there. it. was.

all. nothing.

before time it was neither.

now, it was both.

dark and light, together, smiling

no reason.

just.

it was so fresh, so early, so young

infinitely old as well.

feeling wisely fresh, freshly wise

the unending years unfolding,

looking at the unending suns,

at the one sun,

timelessness found in time,

weeks, they were called,

looking,

the sun, the sun!

the early sun,

the early sun!

unfolding time,

what,

If After Weeks Of Early Sun,

it wasn’t timeless time that was watching

- what if it is you?

looking

seeing

watching.

not ‘you’

but you

the sun, just weeks old,

watching

were you happy, seeing it?

it must be.

me, as well.

together, watching this young sun

the young sun

just born,

infinite light

we, us, seeing

looking

watching

Perhaps,

Perhaps It Made Us Happy For A Minute

happiness before happiness existed

happiness before words

happiness before thoughts

perhaps it made us happy

minutes as weeks as unfolding time

are now

are water are earth

are us

we are

we are earth and water

here,

we are

part movement

part stillness

we are part liquid

We Are Part Mineral

we are part

apart

parted and whole

we are all

and yet, we need a break

a break from it all

from earth

from water

from now?

even from now.

from the sun?

from the sun

a cloud can be majestic

no thinking!

it’s what we do

we are part thoughts

part mountain

part mineral

part water

Part Cloud

will they part?

what is there?

what is there?

as before, now

now, as before?

the unfolding never stopping

even when

finally,

The Unfolding Credits

roll.

—

Whilst being swept away in all this unfolding business I read some Tao Te Ching, and it sort of kind of felt similar. It just keeps unfolding!

-

There was something

formless

and

perfect

before the universe

was born.

It is serene.

Empty.

It flows

through all things,

inside and outside,

and returns

to the origin

of all things.

Man follows

the earth.

Earth follows

the universe.

The universe follows

the Tao.

The Tao follows

only itself

-

MORE UNFOLDING,

from this book:

Sean O’Hagan:

That theme keeps recurring throughout our conversations - things finding their purpose or revealing their meaning through the doing. The creative journey as a series of revelations, almost.

Nick Cave:

Yes, now you point it out, that’s exactly right. Most of the time, I have no idea what I am doing while I’m doing it. It is almost purely intuitive. That should be pretty clear. But I do have a strong commitment to the primary impulse, the initial signaling of an idea - what we could call the divine spark. I trust in it. I believe in it. I run with it. The writing of this book, if that is what we are doing, is a case in point. It’s something that is just unfolding before us. I have no coherent idea what we are doing at this time, and I’m not sure that you do, either. There is a sense of discovery about it. Things unfold. this place of discomfort and uncertainty and adventure is where an honest, good-faith conversation can happen. It’s all the same thing.

-

And I’ll leave you with Rumi:

Be patient. Respond to every call that excites your spirit.

And then, I (Louis) would say, let it all unfold.

Even yourself!

Ciao

what if there is nothing to solve?

Whilst doom scrolling, the doom abruptly stopped when Henry Shukman,* out of nowhere, posed this question:

- What if there is nothing to solve?

The brain went quiet for a bit.

The soul relaxed.

Then, unfortunately, mischief ensued, and Zen graffiti was born.

I wonder if it will last, or

that it will naturally

solve itself.

Self-solving graffiti, or:

Zen graffiti!

—

*Henry Shukman’s book or ‘Zen memoir’, ‘One Blade of Grass’, is GREAT.